The shock of it all

Becoming a first time mom is shocking.  If you parent as I have, you have given up all of your freedom, your ability to think and life as you had always known it to be (pre-child).  You can't go to the bathroom by yourself, shower when you are in need, eat when you are hungry or sleep when you are tired.  Not only that, but the friends that you have without kids stop coming by and calling because either they can't relate or they can't tolerate the screams.  The friends you have that have their own kids are too busy to keep in touch.  It can be a very isolating experience.  I was lucky to be able to sign up for a number of classes with my little guy. This helped me to find other moms who were in the same situation and with that same overwhelmed and sleep deprived look in their eyes.  After a while though, I realized that other moms were starting to seem better and their kids were sleeping and taking bottles.  These women were going out with friends and getting dressed again (That sounded weird, but I have been mostly living in maternity clothes and pajamas for 7 years now).  These women became human again, not just moms, but members of society.  I was never able to make that leap.  My kid was still crying like a newborn and up every 15 minutes.  If I fed him and lay in bed for a few minutes feeling bad for myself, then I would lose 4 minutes of my allotted 15 minutes of sleep.  It felt like I was losing my mind.

silence of the lambs

Now this is the part that is the rudest of awakenings (literally).  My beautiful newborn, the newest love of my life has come home with us from the hospital and my heart has opened up even more than I ever could have imagined...  And the screaming begins.  Blood curdling screams.  And they are constant.  My newborn has no ability to sleep or to be comfortable in his own skin.  He nursed every 15 minutes day and night for the first 18 months. Then it was every 45 minutes until he was 2 years old.  He refused any and all bottles. Everyone thought I just wasn't trying hard enough or starving him enough to make him take the bottle,  so they tried too.  By 4:00 every morning I would be sobbing on the couch with him (if you can't beat them, join them mentality).  I slept a maximum of 2 hours a night for 2 full years.  I actually started stuttering because my brain was so deprived.  And so the insanity begins (but wait, it gets better...really).

great expectations

So there you are, the moment you have been waiting for your whole life.  The positive pregnancy test!  You see those two little lines and you are beaming with excitement and joy, bursting to tell the world your news.  Then a few weeks go by and you can barely choke down a piece of bread without it being promptly returned from the unending morning sickness.  It's like having a stomach virus for months.  The problem is that no one really tells you what to expect.  Everybody tells you about the pregnancy glow and the excitement, but where is the reality?  That's what you get when you bring your baby home.  I have heard of some alien folk speak of these babies that are sleeping through the night by the time they are 3 weeks old.  WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE???  I just don't make my babies that way for some reason.  Mine come out screaming and generally don't stop until they are two years old.  And that is what no one is ever prepared for.  It is utterly shocking! 

Welcome to parenthood.